Javin Drabbles
by annie.of.belle
Summary: Drabbles of 100 words - or thereabouts. About 99% slash, the rest one-sided or pre-slash. Ryan/Esposito.
1. Clubbing

The music is really loud. Pounding from overhead, Esposito would swear that he can feel the sound waves bouncing and crashing off everyone in the club. He grins at Ryan, wishing that he could comment how good he looks, but knows that even if he was using a megaphone, his partner won't be able to hear him. So instead, he pulls his boyfriend into a kiss of epic proportions.

"You know how goddamn attractive you look?" Ryan says, pulling out of the kiss grinning, almost shouting into his ear.

Javier just grins, and kisses him again.

And again, and again.


	2. Sometimes

Sometimes, Kevin just looks at his partner, his goddamned beautiful Javier, and smiles. He can't help it. It's just a beautiful, warm, happy smile that happens before he knows it.

Sometimes, alone in his apartment, Kevin wants to kiss his partner, drag him into a dark corner and ravage him senseless. This urge is slightly easier to quell, but only just.

Kevin can't help but adore his partner, absolutely everything about him. His distinctive laugh, dark brown eyes, jokes told just for Kevin, his steadfast loyalty.

Sometimes, albeit rarely, Kevin actually can admit it to himself:

He loves Javier Esposito.


	3. Knowing

Javier knows Kevin.

He knows his birthday, his favourite colour, his phone number. He knows the names of his five sisters and their children and husbands. He knows why Kevin became a cop, and why he transferred from narc. He knew how unhappy Kevin was with Jenny, long before even Kevin did. He knows Kevin's still hurting inside, because of Jenny. He knows Kevin doesn't want anyone else, not yet, at least. He knows that Kevin's straight, and he suspects that Kevin knows Javier's a bit of both.

Javier also knows that he would be the perfect man for Kevin.


	4. Rehab

Kevin is a volunteer at a local rehab center. Javier is about his age, nineteen, but travelling the other side of life. Kevin listens to his tragic story and takes care of him. In just over a year of knowing Kevin, Javier is almost completely clean. But he has a secret: he loves Kevin. He can't tell him, can't risk losing Kevin. He could never risk losing Kevin. So Kevin makes the first move, on Javier's six-month-clean anniversary. He takes him outside, and they walk down the street.

"I think I love you, Javi."

Javier just grins, and kisses him.


	5. Secrets

Javier's an up-front guy. He has never once in his life had a 'secret crush', never been nervous about telling someone what he wants. So, naturally, it's no secret that he's bi – or that he couldn't care less. Which is brave, in a police station.

Kevin, on the other hand, is not nearly that brave. If he were gay – which he _isn't_ – he would keep it to himself, probably marry a chick as quickly as he could. Which is _not_ why he and Jenny are rushing into marriage so quickly. They're getting married because they love each other. Of course.


	6. Waking Up

The alarm beeps, waking the two homicide detectives entwined on the bed. Javier's eyes open straight away, but he doesn't move, leaving his arms wrapped around his partner and his face nuzzled in the warm crook of his partners neck. Kevin is more of a blinking-slowly-into-consciousness type. He turns around in Javier's arms so that he is facing his partner. "Do we have to go to work today?"

Javier grins. "Yes."

"Mmngphf."

"If you say so."

Kevin rolls his eyes, and leans into Javier's chest.

"Time to get up now, Kev."

"But I love you, Javi."

"Too bad," Javier grins.


	7. Wondering

I've always wondered, always wanted. So many times, so many opportunities.

Bouncing up and down on the red couch while we're playing Madden. What if I just…

Smiling, a little quirk of a grin and you kick my sorry ass - a once-in-a-blue-moon occasion – if I leant forward…

When we solve a case, that feeling of triumph that we feel, knowing that someone's spirit has been put to rest. What if, during the celebrations, we got just a little too drunk, and something happened…

It feels like it will never happen.

And yet, I know it will, it must, someday.


	8. Harlow's Dream

**Harlow's Dream, Good Charlotte. Listen to it while reading, if you can.**

* * *

><p>Kevin lay in his too-big bed, swallowed in the covers. Silent tears ran down his face, which he left alone. He imagined Javier, his caring, loving partner, wiping them away, holding him close, and asking him why he was crying. Kevin would reply with some non-answer, but Javier would persist, because he cared about Kevin.<p>

_I can't live without you, Javi._

Kevin focused on Javier's arms around him, so that they almost felt real. Still imagining, he drifted into sleep, almost able to believe that, when he woke up, he would be held in the warm embrace of his partner.


	9. No Regrets

Javier can't help himself. After months, no, years of loving and protecting his partner, he just can't hold it in anymore. Javier has to tell him, show him, how much he loves Kevin.

They're in the break room, and Javier's making them coffee with the espresso machine. Kevin's right next to him, leaning against the counter. Javier can't hold it anymore. He puts the coffee to the side, and looks Kevin straight in the eye.

"There's something I have to tell you, Kev. I love you, and I really hope you feel the same way."

It's out there. No regrets.


	10. The Couch

NYPD Homicide Detective Kevin Ryan sobs, shoulders wracking with deep, heaving breaths. His eyes are red, and his cheeks are wet with salty tears, buried deep into a pillow. He's lying on the couch, the couch that they used for Madden too many times to count. The couch where they first kissed, where they first admitted that maybe, just maybe, they loved each other. This was where they watched gory late-night movies and crappy daytime tv, where they chilled and lived and loved. But never again.

Never again.

Because now, the body of Javier Esposito was lying in Lanie's morgue.

* * *

><p><strong>Because sometimes life sucks.<strong>


	11. It Was Good

Javier Esposito rolled over, too concerned by his headache to be alarmed by the warm body lying next to him. "Fuck, my _head_…"

There was a groan from the chick, followed by shushing noises. She turned over to face him and…

Kevin blinked. Esposito blinked.

"Oh shit."

Kevin just looked at Esposito.

"Ah… did we…?"

"I think we did," Kevin confirmed

"Oh God. Oh shit." Esposito ran a hand through his short hair. "How drunk were we?

"Good question. Can't remember."

"Oh shit," Esposito said.

"It was good, though. I remember that." Kevin looked hopeful.

"Oh, yeah. It was good."

* * *

><p><strong>A little pick-me-up after the last one...<strong>

**There may be more than one a day for the next few days (holidays are nearly over and I still have plenty of ideas!).**

**I hope you don't mind. **


	12. Holiday

A three-day holiday. They'd told everyone at the precinct that they were going to chill together.  
>But not quite – because here they were. NYC's Clerk's Office. Kevin held his partners hand, Javier tracing patterns into his skin with his thumb – a nervous habit. The man standing in front of them, almost jokingly, finished the ceremony with "You may now kiss the groom."<br>Javier smiled, placed his hands either side of Kevin's face, wiping stray tears of joy as he did so, and leant towards his husband.

"Love you, Kev," he said, just before their first kiss as a married couple.

* * *

><p><strong>Dedicated to LIGHTNSHADOWS, whose idea this was. First in a mini-series of about three drabbles.<strong>

**By the way, congrats to NYC for doing the right thing :D **


	13. Bath

Javier sinks back into the warm bath, feeling his muscles release as the dirt and grime is washed away.

There's one thing that he can't wash off.

Kevin… his partner. He could never wash off the feel of Kevin's small, soft lips on his, never wash off the look of rejection when Esposito said no, the feel of Esposito's own heart breaking. He's doing the right thing, isn't he? It could never last… it would all go so wrong. He shakes his head. The bath doesn't feel so relaxing anymore.

He can't, he resolves. He could never risk his partner.

* * *

><p><strong>I'm so sorry - I had two more chapters to follow <em>Holiday<em>, but they aren't compatible or something like that...**

**Luckily, I was planning on updating three chapters today, so I have a spare!**

**This will be the last chapter for the holidays - term starts tomorrow, and my boarding school blocks fan fiction D:**

**Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing.**

**See you in 8 weeks. **


	14. Kevin

As the first sickening burst of queasiness receded, Esposito grabbed his bloodied partner, slinging the small man over his shoulder and holding his legs.

He made the man as comfortable as possible and ran, the dead weight of his closest friend thudding ominously with every step.

_No_, he corrected himself. _Not _dead _weight. He's fine. He'll be fine._

Still, he couldn't help that extra burst of adrenaline that kicked in, firing up his legs just that bit more. A shot was fired, somewhere over Esposito's head, reminding him of everything at stake.

Everything after that was hazy, except for one thought –

_Kevin._

**Not sticking to 100 anymore.**


	15. Break

"Jen, " Kevin gestured to his fiancée. "Come here."

Jenny sat down opposite to him at the table. Already, there were tears growing in her eyes.

"Jenny…"

"I know, Kev. I just hoped that we could work it out."

"Yeah. Me too. "

"Just… answer me one thing?"

"Of course."

"Is it… for you, is it Javier?"

He hesitated, just for a second. "Maybe. I don't know."

"So you and he haven't… you know…"

"I never cheated on you Jen."

She nodded. "Of course. Don't know how I ever thought… I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry."


	16. Dreamscape

_Javi floated through the empty dreamscape, observing the marvels around him with closed eyes. Lying on his back, hands behind his head, he hummed. He hadn't been this relaxed since he and Kevin –_

Kevin?

_- since he and Kevin had a 'chill sesh', as Kevin –_

Kevin?

_- as Kevin had called it._

_Calling… he heard someone calling him sometimes. Lots of people, actually. Though, it could have been one person with different voices. How was _he_ supposed to know? He kept his eyes shut, always shut –_

Why?

_Why? He didn't know why. It felt like a good idea. Felt safe. Secure._

_He didn't know how long he'd been here. Perhaps an hour or so? Yes. No more than two._

Javi? Can you hear me? Please, Javi. Please.

_The voice was sobbing. Heaving, ripping sobs, that seemed to tremble his very existence._

Don't go Javi. Come back. Don't leave me. I'm sorry. Please. No. Don't. Please.

_Javier wasn't sure what the voice was saying anymore, just picking the emotion behind it. He liked the voice. It was nice enough, as voices went. But really, he was comfortable. To follow the voice, he might even have to open his eyes –_

_Panic. Don't open them._

Please. Come back. Please. Don't leave.

_He couldn't tell the voice 'no'. He just couldn't. Even contemplating the idea of it made him shudder. So, for the voice, he allowed the ultimate sacrifice._

"Javier!" The small man looked at him, shocked and grinning. "_Nurse! Nurse!_"

Javier felt the man – _Kevin_ – squeeze his hand, grounding him, stabilizing him. Unknowingly bringing him back to his pain.

He screamed.

**Sometimes, inspiration leaves at the most awkward moment. I like it.**


	17. Thinking

Ryan was way out of his depth.

He'd never had to _think _like this_._ He knew everything about Javier – just about, anyway. He knew that Javier _swung that way_, but didn't really know if they could be more than friends.

Didn't know if Javier even thought of him _like that_. But Lord, now that Ryan had thought about… he couldn't _stop_ thinking.

Every touch, every look, even sitting next to his partner in the car brought on a cascade of emotion and excitement. _Phew._ He couldn't even _think_ about thinking about it without getting flustered.

"You alright, bro? You look a little…"

"Huh?" Kevin replied. "Oh. Yeah. I just need to… go to the bathroom."


End file.
